new experiences

After being in US for many years,we tend to forget that there are some things that can
only be experienced in India.
Three days back,at around 7 pm,we were at home relaxing.
Suddenly,we heard a loud THUD outside.We ran out and saw a kid aged about 20,
had come speeding on his motorbike,and hit my sister's car parked outside,head on.
He had gone flying in the air and fallen about 15 ft away,his motorbike broken,his head
split and bleeding.
The side of our car was completely smashed,headlights shattered.
In India,it does not take long for a crowd to gather.
My family,our neighbours,other 20 year old friends of the guy who had hit our car,and
other curious onlookers were all in front of our house.
The friends dragged the guy and made him sit on the curb,blood pouring onto his face.
I ran in and brought a wet towel to wipe off the blood,and a bottle of water for him to drink.
The guy was drunk and stinking of booze.
We decided this was a police case and should not touch the car or the motorcycle until the police
arrives.
My dad immediately dialed 100(police).Nobody answered.
He called another local police number.Nobody answered.
We did not know where to contact for an ambulance.
Finally we called an auto and some guy took the fellow to the hospital.
My cousin ran to the main road and told the traffic police.The policeman was not bothered.
He said he was not going to get involved!
One of the guy's friends came up and requested not to book a case against the guy.
Instead,they will get our car fixed no matter how much it costs.
These were young,jobless guys from the slums.There was no way they would have any
money to get our car repaired.
But my sister was adamant.She got a guy to pick up the motorbike and keep it inside our garage
and said she will not return it until she gets paid for the damages.
There was a lot of back and forth,all kinds of suggestions from the neighbours,yelling,
shouting,what should be done to the guy ,etc.
Once the heat of the event cooled off,one by one ,slowly ,the crowd started thinning and only
the relevant ones stayed back,which was us!!
An hour later,a fellow came.He said he was the guy's brother.
He came to tell us that his brother is a kid,he should be forgiven that he rode the bike drunk.
My sister was upset and was not ready to let him go that easily.
She gave him the lecture of what if there was a person standing instead of the car,
how did anybody allow him to ride drunk,that she was not going to pay for his foolish behaviour,etc..
The guy who had come listened to my sister and he started his way of dealing.
He started throwing in his cards,saying he knows the leader of some SC/ST(schedule caste/schedule tribe),so in fact, he was going to file a case against us!
Then he started throwing names of local politicians,local goondas,and other big names.
The guy wouldn't stop dialing numbers on his cell phone..he kept talking to somebody the entire time.
Finally,my dad called my sister inside and said there is nothing we can do.
We have to return the bike to the guy and also should not talk about him paying for our car.
We let the guy take the bike.
I was just watching this whole thing unfold and realised how much control these uneducated,
low level rowdies have.
Educated,decent people have to be very afraid and live in fear of these people.
I also learnt that there is nothing called fairness here.
If anything happens to us ,any loss of life,limb,or anything else,the attitude is ,well,too bad.!
Nobody will take responsibility for anything.
Police is of no use.Nobody is afraid of them.
Its what we call AAJ KA GOONDARAJ..
Goons rule.
The funny thing is, yesterday evening,I see a guy slowly walking in front of my house.
He was wearing a cap.I realised it was the same guy who had hit our car after drinking like
crazy!!

Double standards?

After a week of being in Blore and getting adjusted to the heat and powercuts,my mind is on overdrive just observing things around me.
The one that stands out the most is the reaction of people around us,towards us.
Everybody is happy we are back,we get praises that our decision is the best,and it will help the kids in future.
Some of the things they observe is,my kids cannot speak kannada,but they understand when spoken to.
Another is,they dont know hindi songs,bollywood,bhangra,ShahRukh Khan,cricket,and everything else that is so hot now a days.
The reason being,my husband and I have not encourage my kids to watch all that and we dont either.
I dont see any entertainment value in it and feel they will not miss anything by not knowing all that.
Its sometimes frustrating that people,even our own relatives set double standards when it comes to my kids and the other local kids born and brought up here.
Here are some examples.
My kids don't speak kannada,and I get a long lecture everyday from the maid to my in laws to my parents to my neighbours that I dont talk to my kids in kannada and hence they dont know how to speak.NOT TRUE..
At the same time,I observe that other kids in our family dont speak either,but they are off the hook.Nobody even observes that the kids raised here are not speaking,but they have expectations from my kids.
I came here,hoping my kids will be able to easily learn my kannada culture,learn about our classical arts and be in an environment where all that will be encouraged.
I was wrong.
All I hear is Playstation,NIKE,latest games,what happened to Britney Spears yesterday,how short was Mallika Sherawat's skirt and so on...
It is frustrating how Bollywood and tabloid culture had taken over the city.
People are obsessed over celebrities and newspapers print pictures that would never appear in a local newspaper in US.
But all that goes unnoticed by people living here.
As I had said earlier,looks like people ,especially old have taken to all this better than I am able to.
It only makes my job much harder now.
I need to sift out all the rubbish and protect my kids from the nonsense around and try to
guide them towards my goal of teaching them our true culture and traditions.
I will keep posting on my degree of success here,whenever I can.

First week in B'lore-my observations...

We have all heard,and in fact it's getting boring to hear how much India has changed..
I have visited India almost every year and I can see,yes,it has changed a lot..
Each and every local has said it once"Bangalore is not what it used to be",which is so true.
Lot of young crowd,crazy number of vehicles,garbage everywhere,new stores,malls,restaurants,overall bursting at the seam.
But my area of interest is different.
Its the thinking of the people that I like to observe and see how much that has changed.
I am amazed at how well locals in their 60s,70s have accepted the way B'lore has become.
Me,being in my 30s am not able to digest some of the things that I see and read.
I can write all day about how the youngsters are more modern,adventerous,blindly aping the west,etc.
But,as a person who has lived in US for 11 years and who has brought her elementary school kids here,I am slowly starting to see how I and my kids need to change and adapt to this city's environment.
Its no longer a city that I can hope will foster interest in Indian culture and Arts in my children.
If they have to do it,then I need to work hard to get them involved in it.
Its no longer a place where family is given priority.
Everybody is so busy and so involved in their own lives and in the rat race of a city life, that I really have to put in a lot of effort to show my kids who our relatives are and to get to know them.
Its going to take some time for me to slowly look around,learn about the changes and take in what is good and leave out what is bad.
Its not easy to shed the mindset of a person like me who grew up in Bangalore in the 80s and
who still thinks B'lore is a city of intellects,a center for literature and a wholesome city to bring up the next generation of B'loreans.
But......I may be wrong.

Hello from Bengaluru

Wow,its been a week since my family and I landed in Bengaluru.
The first word that comes to mind is "convection oven"!!
The heat is blistering.
So,about my past one week in Blore.
We landed early morn,my whole family was there,everybody were thrilled and happy .
Kids were a bit overwhelmed.My husband and I were just reeling from all the packing and
closing home in US.We had no idea what had happened the past one week before leaving to India.
It all feels like a blur.
Physically we were all tired.But emotionally,its a very strange feeling.
I felt a little uncomfortable and lost in my own city.My mind was still in Fremont,my thoughts were
about the home I have left behind and my life as I knew it.
Its funny,how we are in a confused,lost state and our family is eager to make us comfortable.
But sometimes in all the wrong ways.
It feels like they are all trying to wash off the smell of US from us,try to make us forget US as
fast as possible.
They show us the city around ,show off the new flyovers,new cars,the new malls that have come up and
how we get everything in India now,etc..
They also tell us scary stories of how people have settled in US and have suffered at old age,how US is not valued anymore,nobody cares if you are from US,fearing we may decide to move back after a year..
But sometimes it can be very annoying.We know what we were getting into when we decided to move to India,so there is really no need to manipulate our thinking.
I am still in a state of homesickness.Wherever I sit,my mind fondly drifts into Fremont,San Francisco,my kids' school,my gorcery store,my beloved minivan and all the other small things that was a mundane part of my life there.
Immediately I am brought into reality when the power suddenly goes.
I would rather take my own sweet time to get over the place that I have left behind.
But seems like everybody around want to ease us out of that as fast as possible.
Hence,I have decided not to talk about my life there,how much I cherish everything there because its really of no use.
Maybe one day,I will invite all my friends who have similarly returned to B'luru ,and chat and
reminisce about the wonderful years we have spent there,from when we were new brides to when we had kids,to the day we decided to come back to our hometown.

Countdown to India..emotional

It still has not hit me that I have just two more days in US.

This has been my home for 11 years and so its hard for me to believe that I

will be going anywhere at all.

But,I am..

There are so many emotions that are sort of swirling in my head right now like a tornado.

Thats why when my friends here ask me how I am feeling at this point about going back,I

am stuck and don't know what to say and where to start.

I am undoubtedly happy that I will be going to my hometown,set up my home and

have my whole family around.Bengalooru is a happening place right now,so its definitely

going to be exciting.

But at the same time,I am leaving behind so many friends and memories.

I have been very lucky that from the first day that I landed here,every minute has

been wonderful.

I set up my home here,my kids were born here,we traveled the world from here,

traveled all over US,had the best time.

But,now its all in my mind and in the hundreds of pictures we have taken.

My home is also one of those unusual places in US where I have such wonderful ,easygoing neighbors and my children have so many friends to play with if they just step out of the house.

No playdates and no setting up timings to play.They all play till it gets dark.

I always have to hear from my family in India how I have to struggle without maids here and how I have lived a tough life doing everything on my own.But even for one moment I have not felt that way.I really have enjoyed taking care of my home and doing my house work is not a burden to me.In fact my life here has been too easy.

I also hear my family in India tell me,"oh you dont have to worry,we get everything in India now.There are malls just like in US,you get all the Italian and mexican food,etc"

I know that too,but that does not make it easier to forget or let go of my life that I have lived for the past decade.
That is why I feel,nobody really understands what I am going through right now other than
people like me who have gone back to settle in India.
It seems strange that I have to feel so bad leaving US when I should be happy to be going back to my own country.
But its human nature that we feel a sense of belonging where our home is.
That is one reason I am sort of consoling myself saying I will soon feel a sense of belonging in
India too once I set up my house and slowly start get attached to my new home.
As they say,time heals eveything...
But US,especially Bay area,especially Fremont will hold a very special place in my heart forever..

Container loads today

Today is one of the important days of our move.
Our container is coming to our house to load all our stuff .
The ship leaves tomorrow.
We were packing till 2 a.m. last night.
Its a lot of work and I am really proud that Srini and I were able to co-ordinate
and work like a well oiled machine putting all this together.
I have been working on this for the past one year and it has really helped.
We did not get overwhelmed towards the end.
Our estimation of packing material needed was also perfect.
Nothing got wasted.
Amidst all this,Samhita has her Spring Program today.
I need to attend that.Then rush back again to the Public Storage to oversee the loading.
I am waiting for the day to end .
Once the container is loaded,then a big job is done...at least for now!
But I have to compliment my kids on how they have taken all this.
They have been sleeping among boxes for the past one month.
There is no place to walk,sit or eat,and I have not heard a peep from them
complaining about anything.
They are very mature and understand the reasons for the house being this way and
the inconveniences it is causing.
They eat whatever is given,do their homework in a corner,help out a little bit when they feel
like,or they play with their friends(who are also equally adjusting!).
But I think such times are important practical life lessons for them.
I am hoping from today onwards,until we leave next week,I will be able to do
some interesting things with them and give myself and them a break from all this work!

Countdown has begun..Packing

I have been wanting to write for the last one month.
We have 10 days left to go back to India for good.
To summarize,for the past one month,from the minute I wake up,I plan my day out.
Once my kids are in school,I take my list for the day and start buying things.
Whatever I think is going to be useful in india,I buy.
I am hoping I have not bought too much,or anything thats not necessary.
But at the same time I feel,might as well buy when I see than go back and regret not having bought.
I then get back home when my kids are back from school,sort what I have bought,pack them,put them in boxes and label them.
but in the past two weeks things have been really ramping up,not only on the shopping and packing side,but closing shop at home too.
My groceries are depleting,all the clothes for my family has been packed,leaving only a few essential clothes to use.
We are also taking out things from all corners of the house,sorting them,throwing some,keeping some,giving away and selling others.
Its one of the toughest and time consuming jobs to do.
But it has to be done.
A good thing that I did was to sell all my household items like furniture,toys,car,TV etc a month ahead of time.Our house is empty,but filled with boxes.
My husband is busy closing accounts,canceling credit cards,etc.
This week is crucial.
Our container leaves in 3 days.We need to have every box ,every item packed,labeled and ready.
I closed my kitchen today.All my kitchen utensils are packed,leftover groceries need to be given away.We are getting food catered by a nice kannada lady closeby.
I cannot wait for the 17th when my container leaves.One big part of the move would be taken care of.
As much as I had planned out everything for the past one year,its still a lot of work and
somehow ,some things have to be done in the last minute.
The above is all about the packing...But in between all this,I do stop sometimes and all the thoughts and emotions of my life here in the past 11 years come rushing.
I savor them,sigh deeply and get to work again......